Hello, my name is Holly and I was born on December 25th, 2008 in Wrexham. My mum was a springer spaniel and my dad was a poodle, so I guess that makes me a "sproodle". I lived there with Wayne and Helen (01978 660125) for 8 weeks until I met Avril and the family. They made me an "offer that I couldn't refuse" and I now work for the family as Canine Artistic Promotions Officer or CAPO for the family. At the moment my job appears to consist of wagging, sleeping, eating, playing, weeing and pooing. We'll soon be meeting somebody called the Vet, she sounds like a nice woman I'm sure I'll like her?
   

Well, I met the person called the Vet last week, and I must say that I'm not very impressed with her. She did unspeakable things to me. She stuck needles in me, she squirted chemicals up my nose (whatever happened to the Geneva Convention?) and stabbed me in the back. After doing all these evil deeds she had the nerve to call me a "bitch with a chip on her shoulder". She may find that the next time she sees a horse it will be just the head in her bed. I'm told that I can go for something called "walkies" next week. I'm not sure what that means, but I hope it's better than going to see the vet.

   

I've been to see that Vet person again, I'm not sure what for, but I think it was to be "displayed". All I know was that I fell asleep and when I woke up my tummy was fitted with a zip-fastener. No matter how hard I try I can't get the zip to open. It's very frustrating, they even tried to put a lampshade over my head, which wasn't very flattering. Still, it's an experience that I'll be able to tell my grandchildren about? We go for lots of walkies now. Poor Avril doesn't seem able to keep up with me, she keeps telling me to "slow down" If she carries on like this I'll have to take her to obedience classes - any ideas?

   

Hello it's me again, I think I may have already mentioned before but it's my birthday on December 25th and I think that "my people" may be planning a special surprise party for me. They're all taking time off work and I've seen lots of presents hidden around the house. The postman has also been delivering lots of letters and presents. I love postmen - but I couldn't eat a whole one! The real giveaway is the person who calls at our house most nights (I think her name is Carol). Anyway she keeps singing a song that sounds like "Holly and the Gravy". Gravy, gravy, gravy, oh I do love gravy.

When spring arrives, a young doggies mind turns to love and girls let me say that I'm deeply in love. I met him on a walkies with my dad. We were walking past the police dog training centre when our eyes met, do you believe in love at first bite? He's a spaniel and he works for the police as a sniffer dog. His name is Jaques and although he's not French, he comes from the French quarter of Liverpool. I believe it's called Entrée, I don't know where that is but I'm told that there's a famous racecourse there. He's really gorgeous and he can take down my particulars any time he wants!
   

I thought that I'd take a trip to the beauty parlour for a pampering session before going to see Jaques. I booked myself in for the full treatment for a cut, shampoo and a manicure and I asked the lady to make me look like a famous "A" list celebrity such as Coleen Rooney. Something must have been lost in the translation, because when she'd finished I looked more like Wayne Rooney! I was expecting to turn heads but as soon as Jaques saw me he turned his head, ran away and hid under his kennel howling. Seriously girls, please tell me the truth, it doesn't look too bad does it?

   

Well, my birthday on 25th December was another anticlimax. I saw lots of presents around the house, but all I got was a crummy bone and a stupid scarf. Shortly after my birthday they took me to see that Vet person again and he told me that I had "dislocating kneecaps" - I love it when they talk dirty! I stayed overnight but when I woke up in the morning he had fitted my leg with a zip-fastener and made me wear "the collar of shame", just like the last time. I've taking legal advice from a firm of local solicitors, but they just smiled and told me that "I didn't have a leg to stand on".